Chris’s Story
I was high-achieving in school and quickly climbed the New York finance ladder. However, in my late twenties, I experienced a growing inability to deal with failure at work and in other aspects of my life. Additionally, my spiritual tradition was not providing the traction I needed to navigate this new terrain. I started searching for anything that might help. On a retreat at a monastery, I was introduced to Rohr’s writings on the male spiritual journey. Rohr gave me a vision for moving forward, encouraging me not to resist the descent but to press into it, even if I didn’t understand it.
Illuman helped show me that my core gift flows out of who I am, not what I do, produce, or accomplish. For most of my life, I believed my central gift depended on constant self-improvement. Who I was simply was not enough. It was lonely and exhausting. I have begun to see that, even when I feel inadequate and unready, who I am, at this moment now, is my gift to my family, my work, and the world.
I am touching mystery here: There is a generativity among my brothers that calls forth my generativity.
I attended Awaken last September. It is said, “More is caught than taught,” and whenever I am around Illuman men, I catch something. I am touching mystery here: There is a generativity among my brothers that calls forth my generativity. After these gatherings, I re-enter my life more centered, clear-sighted, and able to engage.
After these gatherings, I re-enter my life more centered, clear-sighted, and able to engage.
Slowly, I am learning not always to fight my limitations and circumstances but to accept them and find the gold in them. Rumi said, “Your boundaries are your quest.” This work has helped me experience that. I feel more at peace with myself, more connected to the world, and more aware of and grateful for my life.
Thich Nhat Hanh said that the real miracle is to walk on the earth. I am grateful for my brothers in Illuman, who have shown me how to walk on the earth through their authenticity and presence.
