Thinking of doing the Men’s Rites of Passage? How about visiting Scotland, the territory of the Brave; land of mists and heather, of hills and heaths; of Macbeth, Rob Roy, and Wallace; Celts and Picts; Enlightenment philosophers and Presbyterian kirks? Land of the hard man, great crime writers, Glasgow tenements and Edinburgh dungeons, Billy Connolly, and the Proclaimers.… In Scotland, you never forget that life, as Scott Peck said, is hard. 

Yes, life is hard, but to do the Rites, you don’t need to be a hard man—quite the opposite: You will learn that the truly courageous are those who embrace their vulnerability and choose to be gentle. The Rites are a safe space in which to test how this might work for you. 

The Rites are held in Scotland at the Bield, a retreat center near Perth. Camping is in the field, and conditions are basic. Nights can be cold and the weather unpredictable. But this isn’t a luxury holiday. It’s a journey into the heart of what it means to be a male human being. When everything is taken away, we find out who we really are—and that is scary.

You will experience the deepest nourishment…truly healthy, locally grown food for your body alongside rich, honest, and heart-healing sharing from a team of elders not afraid to lay open their vulnerability. The rituals too will invite you to visit those heart spaces that you sometimes only glimpse from afar. You will return to your home a stronger, more loving man, eager to offer to others the riches you have discovered or rediscovered in yourself.

Here’s what one initiate said about his experience:

Scotland is an ancient land, with its own history and laws. It’s a “liminal” land and has an otherworldly feel to it. In the European Dark Ages, many holy men sought solitude in the Scottish wilderness, and for good reason. Silence and nature have much to teach us. The time I spent in the Glen was transformative: It connected my past to my present and opened my eyes to wonder. It was about “being,” not “achieving.” The trees will still sway in the wind whether I meet that deadline or not. All that I do at the office will eventually be shredded or deleted from a computer drive.  

Before the Rites, I hardly ever had a meaningful conversation with another man. Men don’t like to talk about how they really feel about something: It’s private between them and their significant other. During the Rites, that barrier is broken down. We find out, from each other, that we are all broken. Most importantly, no one is better than anyone else. We don’t have to pretend, and we don’t have to compete against each other.

We all have a story to tell. In fact, the journey of life is a quest for our story—making sense of who we are and what we’ve done through the telling of that story, shaping it as we speak. The Rites might be, for you, the beginning of that making sense. 

Mary Oliver, The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice —

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voice behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do —

determined to save

the only life that you could save.

We invite you to experience the Mens Rites of Passage in Scotland, July 24th – 28th, 2024.