by Sergio Lopez

Last October, just a few weeks before my thirty-fifth birthday, my wife surprised me with the incredible news that, after twelve years of marriage, we will finally have the opportunity to experience one of the ultimate joys in life—becoming parents for the first time. Like many couples in our generation, we’ve had to delay the joy of starting our family for a multitude of personal and socioeconomic reasons. As so often happens in life, what at first began as a personal choice slowly evolved into circumstances beyond our control. And although there have been many moments over the last twelve years when I’ve felt overwhelmed by the fear and sadness of the possibility of missing out on one of the greatest miracles of life, I wholeheartedly believe it was a necessary part of our journey. As with Abraham and Sarah, the birth of our first-born child has been marked by patient (and not so patient) longing. Over the last few months of my wife’s pregnancy, I’ve wondered about how different our lives would have been if we had started having kids a decade earlier. What kind of father might I have been then? What kind of father can I be now?

As the shape of my inner work has slowly started to evolve, I’ve found myself reflecting more and more on my relationship with my father and the important male figures in my life. As my yearning to explore the spiritual and emotional experience of fatherhood deepened, I began researching books, articles, and resources to guide me in my pursuit of a more peaceful and positive approach to parenting. As scripture reminds us, “Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). My seeking led to finding, and one of the amazing gifts that I found (or rather, that found me!) was the Father for Generation Alpha program.

I learned about this online cohort from an initiated brother whom I had the pleasure of meeting during my MROP at Ghost Ranch in 2018. He had recently gotten involved with the program and when he learned that my wife and I were expecting our first child, he reached out to check in and to share the good news of this wonderful offering. Within minutes after hanging up the phone, I visited the website and registered for the program. After attending the first session, I was graced with a feeling of knowing that it was meant to be. I felt incredibly blessed to connect with other men who are striving to become more mindful, compassionate, and nonviolent parents. Over the course of eight weeks, our small group of fathers, soon-to-be fathers, and grandfathers from all across the country gathered for one-hour sessions via Zoom to reflect and dialogue about masculine spirituality, emotional healing, relationships, and the inner work of fatherhood. Every week, the team sent our group a list of carefully curated materials for us to review in preparation for our weekly gathering, which for many of us became one of the highlights of our week. 

As a soon-to-be father, I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do in community what I was desiring and already planning to do on my own. Fatherhood is a rite of passage and, like all rites of passage, it is not meant to be done alone. Through prayer and perspective, I am now beginning to wonder if perhaps the “delaying of fatherhood” that so many men in my generation are experiencing might actually be a unique opportunity. Could it be that life and grace are providing us with an opportunity to become more conscious and compassionate men before becoming fathers? Is it a stretch to imagine that perhaps it was necessary for 100 years to pass in order for Abraham to be transformed into the father of faith? If we are to succeed in building a world marked by greater compassion and radical kinship, then we must seize the opportunity to walk with more fathers and soon-to-be fathers as they seek to heal the intergenerational wounds that perpetuate violence and inhibit intimacy between fathers and their children. Cohorts like A Father for Generation Alpha can help us do just that. 

 

Sergio Lopez did his MROP at Ghost Ranch in 2018. He is the current board chair of Illuman SoCal. Sergio and his wife Ellie live in Simi Valley, Califorina. They are expecting their first child in June 2022.